How to Get Over a Breakup

When a relationship comes to an end and you feel that there is no way to bring it back, it is very important to know how to get over a breakup. Here are ten tips that we hope you’ll find helpful as you try to learn how to get over a breakup.

  • In the beginning, you will be in shock. There will be a period of sadness and mourning. It’s normal to feel grief and depression for a while. After time has allowed you to accept the breakup, you may feel anger and imagine getting revenge. Remember that acting your anger out can be very dangerous and have negative long-term consequences.
  • Do not dwell on your breakup. Realize that this period of sadness will eventually come to an end.
  • Once the initial period of the breakup has passed, it is important to have some time with yourself to realize that you can survive and even be happy without the other person.
  • At that time, it is also important to preoccupy yourself with activities you enjoy.
  • Breakups can often leave you feeling lonely. Take small steps at learning to be alone and happy by yourself.
  • Try to understand why the relationship failed, but remember not to blame yourself.
  • Avoid using drugs and alcohol to numb your pain. These won’t make you feel better in the long run.
  • Try to see the breakup as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and make your future relationships better.
  • You may need help if you find yourself intensely preoccupied with your former partner, feel unmotivated and it is interfering with school work and social activities or feel self-destructive.
  • Counseling and therapy can help you come to terms with the breakup by exploring what this particular loss means to you and providing you with insight you can use in future relationships. Furthermore, it can help you regain a sense of worth and instill confidence to move forward.

A breakup could be very painful. But it’s not the end of the world. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself. Love yourself first and you will bounce back and be happy again for sure.

14 thoughts on “How to Get Over a Breakup”

  1. me and my ex broke up 7 months ago. i know there are signs of your bf not wanting to be with you, but for some reason, i didn’t catch them,only after it was too late. i remember he told me his ex went off to some school to help graduate early, before she went to the school they broke up. so a year later she comes back, about 2 weeks me and my bf are dating. i start to notice that he’s not putting much effort into our relationship as he use to. we argued alot, mostly about his family problems, and gan violence that was occuring in his life, i told him multiple times that he needed to get out but he said “it’s not that easy” i din’t want to get him mad, so i left it at that. we kept arguing and arguing till it came to a point when neither of us would say anything to eachother for a few days, even walking was difficult. we made up. but a few days after i’m txting him asking him what hes doing. he say hes at a friends house (denise] denise is his ex gf’s younger sister. i knew why he was there, to see his old gf. he even admitt to it. so i broke it off. after i told him i was tired of his bs all he had to reply was “wat”.. about 2 months passes by and we started talking again.. but he got together with his ex again. after being toyed with i finally wanted to give up and forget this kid. months pass by him and his ex broke up again and i think its for good this time. but it was too late. he had lost both of us. everytime he tried to talk to me, i’d scold at him, or sometimes just walk right past him as if he didn’t exist. but deep down, i wanted to be with him so bad. i kust didnt want him to think he could win me over after all that he put me through. we eventually stopped talking, altogether. its the 7th month now since our break up. i’ve tried moving on, talking to other guys, i want a new relationship but i’m still so damaged from my past i’m scared. and on to of that i still love my ex, it wouldn’t be fair to whoever i’d start dating. cuz when i’m talking to them, i’m wishing it’d be my ex. i’m thinking about him every single day. i hope at night that i’ll dream about him, so that i can atleast be happy in my dreams. but i never do. i think i have insomnia. i haven’t been able tooo sleep for the past couple weeks. i try to preoccupie myself so that i wont be in my thoughts. cuz when im doing nothing and theres nothing but silence i start to think about the good times, so i start to cry. i thought i’d be over him by now, but i guess not. i need to know.. should i move on.? or keep hope alive…

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    • I can definitelly relate to your experience… almost the same happened to me just this past sunday. and I cant stop thinking about the way my ex completely treated me like crap.

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    • @crystal: You are obviously being toyed with by your juvenile boyfriend. Some of us guys sometimes like having a spare tire, just in case the main tire bursts. I think you are the spare tire. Sorry for being blunt. I suggest moving on. He'll try to woo you again. Please love yourself and do not give in. Best of luck on your search for your one true love.

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  2. If anybody could help me with my situation I would appreciate it so much. I've never hurt so bad in my life nor been so frightened about anything. First off I am 26 and my ex is 24, we dated through college for just over 3 years but we constantly breaking up and getting back together, the relationship was terribly dramatic and I absolutely could not stand it. I loved her, and still do love her, so much though. About a year into the relationship I found myself becoming interested in other girls and I became something I never thought I would be. I started breaking up with her to see how it would be to date other girls. She started going through my phone and emails and finding out I was seeing other people, and the arguments were terrible. So the on and off would continue, as would the me seeing other people. I just wanted a relationship were I was so happy in the relationship that I did not want to date anybody else, but after all of the petty arguments we were having I lost that feeling with her. After graduating she still had a year left in Arizona and I moved from Arizona to California. We were having problems in Arizona before I left for California so I knew the long distance was going to be terrible. I broke up with her before leaving, even moved out of our house into an apartment in Arizona even know I was leaving in two months. I couldn't live without her though so after about a week we got back together. By the way, this is so out of my character, and hers. We were both extremely stoic before we met each other, then our hearts went through the blender. I'm in California now and she's still in Arizona, I'm waking up in the morning in panic, with anxiety, I'm crying everyday. But I don't want to keep getting together we her then breaking up. I definitely don't want to have her move to California to be with me then break up with her again. If I commit one more time to her it is marriage, because I would have to prove to her that this time I know for sure it can work. She has always been there for me, would do anything for me. When we lived in Arizona and I broke up with her she would not let me go, shed follow me away crying, begging me to give her another chance, promising that the petty arguments would stop. But the petty arguments kept on, and now I was finding that I was deeply in love with a girl, but for some reason just was not satisfied with the relationship. She's applying to graduate schools soon and I am pursuing acting right now in Los Angeles. Again, if I commit to her this time it is her moving out here to be with me and us getting married. I just don't know why I can not live with out her, it's like losing oxygen, I panic. I am up and down every day, crying at one point, and being happy and confident at another point, this happens everyday… Does anybody have any advice on this situation?

    Reply
    • The breakup you just experienced will forever change who you are. Maybe you’ll notice the change in 6 days or 6 months but you will never be the same again. This is your chance to search through the rubble of your destroyed relationship, find what is salvageable, and become your own architect using the open space left by the demolition to design a new life. There are amazing people left in the world. There is going to be a new girl along the way that you will love & cherish forever. Moving on may be hard in life, But you eventually understand.

      Reply
  3. Hey,
    Ok here it goes me and my ex boy friend have been together for over 2 years and we study in the same class and were very intimate and into each other. But about 15days back, he came to me saying he doesn't want to be with me and wants to end it. I was a lil shocked but decided to give him sometime to think, unfortunately him being in the same class turned out pretty bad and eventually the urge to talk to him kept growing until 4 days back I found out he was cheating on me by going out with his ex gf. Which was a real shock to me, especially after the closeness we had experienced as a couple, so there was nothing I could do and cried it over and then decided to forgive him , thinking we are in the same class and I see his face every damn day and my absence makes no difference to him and his life, And I behave weirdly by being a lil sad and not very contributing in class. It hurts and I absolutely do not know how to cope up with it, esp by seeing him very much happy around me and I cannot avoid it at all! Please help.

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  4. (Part 1) If someone could please help me with my pain, I'd forever be in debt to you…

    Okay… Here we go…

    I met my boyfriend in December of 2008. We started talking because I had dated a guy (Wyatt) who my boyfriend had also dated at one point. Wyatt dumped me because he claimed I wasn't 'physically attractive enough' for him. That absolutely destroyed me. So, in revenge I messaged his ex boyfriend (Bryce) on MySpace in hopes to sleep with him to piss off Wyatt. Something happened, though… Instead of just having a hook-up, I fell absolutely head-over-heels in love with him. Our relationship grew immediately. I had never felt so in love with a person and the pain Wyatt caused me immediately disappeared. When I met Bryce he was a nobody. His mother has just passed away, he had no job, room mates skipped out on the rent, when he came out all his friends betrayed him, doesn't really know his father, etc… He had next to nothing. When I fell in love with him, I wanted to give him the world, as I felt he deserved it. He was so cute, smart, sweet, gentle, funny, and all around goofy. He was mine and I expected it to stay that way… We moved into an apartment together with another friend in August of 2009. In June of 2010, he was at his breaking point working two jobs and not getting anywhere. I begged him to join me at Starbucks. We had just gotten a new manager named Jacob who was a wonder of the world. He polished up our store and turned everything right-side-up. Bryce was interviewed and got the job. I couldn't have been more happy. In August of 2010, we moved out of the apartment because our friend was driving us nuts. He had nowhere to go, so I talked him into living at my mother's house until he could afford to get back on his feet, get a car, save money, etc. Christmas time rolled around and everything seemed perfect. Around March of this year, Bryce and I had really started to his some really bad problems. He became distant, we stopped doing the same things, not seeing each other much. I began to seriously loathe my job, while he was falling in love with it. That caused a lot of fights due to the fact that I couldn't understand how he could love a job I hated so much and vice-versa. In late early May, he got into a HUGE, drunken fight that lead to him leaving me. I gave it a day and began to panic, thinking he wasn't coming back. So, I began calling and texting him asking him to come home. I went to Alberstons and bought over 200 dollars of stuff he loves and put it on his bed. I cleaned his room, his lizard's tank, and covered the room with flowers, notes, balloons, etc. He finally came home a day later and it took me two days of convincing him to give me a second chance. I changed. I worked my ass of trying to set things right. Two days after that, he had left his Facebook open and I decided to snoop for answers seeing as he wouldn't tell me anything. He had written a note to a friend that read: 'I don't want to give Mike a second chance. The damage is already done. And besides…I ALREADY CHEATED ON HIM with the manager of our Starbucks. He's so great, I'm falling in love with him, he has a house, he's financially set, etc.' Keep in mind, Bryce and I are 21 and 22. Jacob was in a domestic partnership of three years and is 32. I called him home from work and demanded an explanation. He denied everything and said that he spent a lot of time with Jacob talking and seeking advice on what to do with me…but it was behind my back, so he felt it was cheating.

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  5. (Part 2) Being in love with him, I believed him. A few days later we had gotten into another fight. I had apologized over dinner and that night he left his phone open as he fell asleep. I turned his phone on and found a message saying 'Mike and I got into a fight tonight. I can't do this anymore. I'm leaving him tonight. Blah, blah, blah.' I scroll down to see who he's talking to and it's Jacob saying 'Oh, my sweet baby! My prince! The love of my life! Pack up your stuff and leave! Don't look back! I can't wait 'til you're in my arms again! I love you SOOOOO much, baby boy!' I break down and absolutely lose it. I felt my heart, along with any trust I had for Bryce break inside me. Once awake, I demand another explanation and he breaks down and vehemently apologizes. The next day, he would not stop apologizing to me. So, I sat him down and said 'I will ask you this once and only once. Do you want to be with me? Or do you want to be with Jacob? I'm giving you this opportunity to leave me. GO! If he makes you happier, then go.' Without hesitation, he cries out, 'YOU! I want YOU! I'm so sorry, Mike! I love you! I want you!' I then agreed to make things work…but my trust as of then was gone. I began to become obsessed with his texts, E-mails, where he was going, etc. I found out so much more information about just how much they liked each other. The whole store knew Jacob was planning to leave his husband Robert for about a month, then despite how much Robert tried to set things right. He'd be in every day with flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, and even re-proposed to Jacob…with Jacob saying yes just to get him out of the store. I felt so bad for that man… Bryce was an ingenious liar. He found a way around every E-mail, text- everything. A week later a coworker confronts me saying that about two weeks ago Bryce told her EVERYTHING that was going on. He really didn't want to give me a second chance, he was falling in love with Jacob, Jacob and him were apartment shopping together and that Jacob introduced Bryce to the Realtor as his 'boyfriend', and the one that hurt the most: He didn't come home those two days in the very beginning not because he was hurt and needed space…but because he had a huge hicky he didn't want me to see. That absolutely destroyed me. By this time he had been promoted to shift supervisor and was sent over to another store. I drove up there to break up with him…but I melted…he hurt me so badly…but his eyes, his face, his smell, him… I just couldn't… That, and the fact that he called our friend Kim who told me everything a liar. I had never cried so hard in my life that night. I literally dehydrated myself doing so. But…we fixed it. He promised he'd stop E-mailing Jacob and that from then, on we'd work on repairing this disaster of a relationship. The next day I did everything I could to seem like the ideal boyfriend. Bought him things, went and picked up his glasses he lost at a friends house across town, planned a trip, set up appointments for him, etc.

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  6. He got home when I was out and called me home because he'd like to talk. I went home and he accused me of cheating as well. …And you know what? He was right. I cheated as well. Cheating is cheating, but the difference? He strung me along for two months and lied to me about everything. He could even look me in the eyes and do so. When I was caught, I was caught and I owned up to it right then and there. My explanation for my actions? It was amidst all this hurt and heartbreak and someone was there for me… It felt good to feel wanted, you know? Plus, mine was 30 seconds long. I put a stop to it because the guilt was overwhelming… He found out because he went through my old phone and found a text message. Honestly? I had always planned to tell him just…not right then with him on the brink of leaving me already. I felt like such a piece of shit… We talked for three hours and he agreed to stay and fix this. The next day, the 4th of Juy: We get wasted at a friend's house and he absolutely dumps me. 'I can't do this anymore. I can't look at you the same way. You can't look at me the same way. I'm not leaving you for Jacob, I'm leaving you for you. I'm so sorry. I'll always love you, but I just can't do this…' We both cried uncontrollably… We passed out and awoke the next morning… I BEGGED him over breakfast almost literally on my hands and knees to agree to fix this…and he wouldn't. He was absolutely done. DONE. He packed up his things and left my life. …He now lives with Jacob and after just two months I've heard they're already talking about marriage and kids. They go on constant vacations together all around the world, Jacob bought him an iPhone, and there's pictures of them just so blissfully happy all over each others Facebook. It was too painful, so I blocked them both. It's been two months and three days since I was with Bryce. The guilt has literally made me nauseous… I don't know how to cope. If I would've just not faltered like him, I could've fixed it. I miss him so, so, so, so much it's unreal. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy. We just fit so perfectly. Also keep in mind that the entire, two days Bryce was gone, he stayed at Jacob's while Robert was out of town. I called Jacob who was also a friend of mine on those two days crying and asking for relationship advice and what to do…while I'm sure Bryce sat right next to him giggling. But, yeah… I miss him. I still want him back after what he's done to me and what I did to him. He's even gone up to Seattle to meet Jacob's parents… I just can't deal. I quit my job and everything. Too many painful memories there… I still feel like he's made a mistake and that we belong together sometimes… We don't speak at all which is for the best… They're just so 'in love' after two months of truly being together and I don't get it. I'm so hurt there's no way in HELL I could be in a relationship right now… I don't get it. I just want to be happy again. I am healing greatly, but like, for instance, I have a stage performance coming up…and I would give anything for Bryce to be in the audience…but I know he won't. I just miss his goofy face, his charm, his kind heart, him. Now that you know my life story, (haha) does anyone know how to alleviate the guilt that's been growing over this last week? I feel the early break-up pains beginning to return and I'm terrified. I thought I was almost healed, but now I'm not so sure… Thoughts?

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  7. About 2 months ago my ex boyfriend of over 3 years broke up with me. At the time of the break up we were in the same location but for the last 5 months or so of our relationship we spent it long distance. We spent a significant chunk of our young lives together and while I am grateful that it is over because I realized we were hurting each other, I also was still committed to him. I put everything I had into trying to make the relationship work and I am having a very difficult time letting it go. He already has a new girlfriend and actually ended things through a text message. I knew the relationship was coming to and end, I could sense it, but I'm having a difficult time moving forward. I can't help but still feel connected to him. I am not trying to move on to another person to fill the void, I believe I have pretty good coping skills but I wake up every morning feeling anxious and still bothered by the situation. We did not end on bad terms but he deleted me from facebook, we deleted each others numbers, and there was no conversation about the break up really besides a text somewhat explaining that he needed it to be over. We were together from the time I was 16 until right before my 20th birthday. We went through graduations together, first years of college, transferring schools, parents divorce, family deaths, traveling, etc. I guess I am trying to ask if these feelings will subside, if I will ever be able to give my heart to someone else. I'm afraid that I gave him so much of me that I won't have anything to give to someone else or that even though I know he wasn't perfect for me that I won't find anyone like him. Any advice that could send me on my way?

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  8. HELP!!!!!! My BF and I dated briefly 2 years ago and the timing was not right. We ended as friends and stayed friends for 2 years. We have children the same ages so we saw each other all the time at sporting events and such. About 3 months ago we decided to try again and it was great!! The problem was I wasnt ready to commit as in marriage and he was. I just wanted to take my time. He said that from that he thought I would eventually end it so he decided to do it now. It has been a month or so and it has been really rough. We talked some but got NO WHERE!!!! Through it he would make comments like “I just dont think what we had will ever fade, go away, etc.” “I wont ever find this in another woman…I’ll just have to settle” “I fight to be with you constantly”…and so forth..but was very unwilling to give it another go. VERY CONFUSING.

    So I applied No Contact. He contacted me a day into it and said “so I guess we arent talking anymore” I replied…”I need to heal”. After a week he then contacted me and we texted all day just non-chantley, very friendly but no biggee. The next day he text and said we should stop all communication because he was talking to someone else and didnt think it fair to still want to be with and see me while talking to her. I agreed. Another week of no contact and now he has text me a song to listen to “Colder Weather” by Zac Brown Band, which basically stated that even though he wanted to be with me he just had to leave… I AM SO CONFUSED. Why does he continue with this stuff????

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  9. im nash i have jux broke up with my bf… but still i love him. we have been together since 1 year but everytime when he get engry he fight with me… he hit me…. i dont kno wht to do

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  10. Ok I need help. I want and need to break up with my boyfriend of over 5 years. I am not happy and haven’t been for a long time. My problem is I don’t know how to work up the nerve to do so. Every time I have a complaint about something he somehow manages not to address it at all and at the same time make me look like the bad guy. Please advise on the best way to do this.

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  11. I sometimes think I need help. We were together for over two years. We decided to break up an year ago for all the wrong reasons, in my opinion. My ex is an indecisive but wonderful person. Sometimes I even think she is a better person than I am. She got back with her ex. From what I know, he is a decent person. I guess everything sucked because, none of us were bad people. Three well-intentioned people who created ourselves a big mess. She rushed into marriage with her ex, without moving on. Now, she thinks it was a mistake. I don’t have to think twice to take her back, if she wants the same thing. She looks miserable but she doesn’t have the courage to leave the marriage. I don’t want to interfere and I can’t interfere. A month ago, I decided to leave her life hoping that she will eventually move on. It just sucks to know that someone I know and love is miserable and there is nothing I could do about it. I don’t know if I should contact her to see if she is doing fine. I do not want to make things even messier.

    Reply

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