Understanding Attachment

Why do couples breakup? Maybe it’s time to understand what attachment style they have.

Why do couples breakup? Maybe it’s time to understand what attachment style they have.

When two persons start to be fond of each other, they will get attached to each other to the point sometimes of being possessive or clingy. It is a good way to resolve breakup issues if the couple understands the true meaning of attachment, identify which style they have, and perhaps use the knowledge to improve their relationships.

Attachment is a theory wherein there is search for closeness or bond with the significant person, and a feeling of security when the other is present or close by. This attachment theory is based on the assumption that human beings are generally social beings, and that they do not simply use other people to satisfy their needs or drives.

There are two kinds of attachment, though that people in a relationship need to be aware of. Securely attached couple have the ability to trust their partner and can find time together as well as can be confidently spent separately.

There are other people with an anxious ambivalent attachment attitude which is a warning sign for breakup. They can have hard time behaving in relationships because they can be needy or clingy to their partner. This kind of attachment can jeopardize a relationship as it may result to jealousy and possessiveness. Clingy partners are prone to worry too much about the real feelings of the other party. They always worry if they are valued by their partner in the same way as they do for him or her.

Avoidant attachment can also exist in people who are uncomfortable to be close to others. Trusting others is a difficult task, and this type of people do not want to be dependent on others. Usually they have stronger personality that can intimidate the others, especially the men.

Although these patterns can be traced to infancy, people can modify their attachment style as they go into new relationships especially after breakup with an ex-lover.

Physical Versus Neurological Bond

What attracted you to your partner? Similarly the question may also be “What caused you to breakup?” Is it the physical or neurological characteristic?

It’s either physical and a neurological bond, which may or may not co-exist. A physical bond takes places when two people are bonded because of physical adhesion, and a neurological bond, when two people are bonded because of neurological adhesion.

To simplify, when talking about bonding in male-female relationships, the physical bond is typically sexual in nature (that is, a sexual bond), although it can also refer to individuals bonded by proximity as neighbors. People bonded physically characteristically have a primitive connection, either via pheromone exchange, visual attraction, hormonal adhesion, etc.

The neurological bond, on the other hand, refers to different mental attachment, as psychological bonds, intellectual bonds, emotional bonds, financial bonds, synergistic bonds, altruistic bonds, etc.

There is no perfect recipe for a relationship to last. Knowing the attachment style that couples have can at least save impending breakup if one party will be willing to change for the sake of the relationship.